Silver White Winters and Rustic Ponies

I'm back, and with a few new creations to share!  It has been a while since I've posted anything but I promise I've not allowed my creativity to go slack.  I've been actively sculpting, crafting, daydreaming (hey, it's necessary in the creative process), and traveling - toting camera (in use), no less. 


This bas-relief bowl was specifically made with Kelly's Gallery (http://www.kellysgalleryatjoseph.com) in mind.  I began with a rolled slab of clay that was then pressed into a concave form. From there I began to press, scrape, carve and give life to the horse.  Once the horse was complete the bowl was bisque-fired and ready to be stained.  I chose stain rather than glaze for this piece because I wanted a rustic, almost stone surface. In a small sense this bowl might represent a composite of the "cowboy dishes" I remember my great-grandmother having and an antiquated pottery vessel from several millennia ago.  It only seemed fitting to give the rim a rope-like resemblance.

Are you finding opportunities to be creative this season?

Mischievously Mad

The Cheshire Cat was sculpted from clay, bisque fired and painted with watercolor.  

The Cat is the second (and quite possibly the last) character in my short Alice in Wonderland series.  I had every intention of creating Alice... she's not completely uncreated, as it were.  She's just simply lacking her head- quite literally. She's proving quite a challenge...

Today I'm certain I've got a similar grin from ear to ear though possibly not as mischievous.  We're now in the second day of our first snowfall of the year and I'm looking forward to all of the opportunities and activities that winter brings!  

Wishing you a very Happy Thanksgiving from my little Winter Wonderland.

Do You Play Croquet?

I've chosen several characters from Alice in Wonderland to create in miniature.  Sgt. Spade is first in this series- sculpted, bisque fired and painted with watercolor.  He reaches a towering... 4 1/2 inches. 

Anyone up for a little Alice in Wonderland trivia?

 

• In the very beginning of the movie or Disney book, what does Alice, concealed in a bottle, have to float in?

• What poem comes up on a recurring basis, usually narrated by the Cheshire Cat?

• After the doormouse hears the word 'cat', what do the Mad Hatter and March Hare have to put on his nose to calm him down?

• What game are Alice and The Queen of Hearts playing with flamingos and hedgehogs?

In closing I leave you with some advice from the King of Hearts, "Begin at the beginning and go on till you come to the end: then stop."

"Peace and long life!"

This bust of Mr. Spock was hand sculpted and painted with watercolor.  At only 3 inches the facial features were especially a challenge, but I'm pleased with the results.  Now for my Trekkie friends, some trivia!

Who was originally offered the role of Spock?

What actor from "Star Trek: The Original Series" lost his right middle finger during World War II?

Who was the first real astronaut to appear in any "Star Trek" episode?

Who was the first actor to play a member of all three of the major alien races in "Star Trek"?

What was Spock's mother's first name?

And a few Trek Facts you may not have known:

Leonard Nimoy created the hand gesture that Vulcans give when they say, "Live Long and Prosper." He is Jewish, and the spreading of the fingers resembles the hand gesture taken from the ceremony performed by the descendants of the priestly family during holiday prayer services.

Gene Roddenberry created the transporter as an easier (and cheaper) way of getting Enterprise crew members onto a planet's surface, rather than landing the ship on the planet.

The Vulcan Nerve Pinch was invented by Leonard Nimoy as a way for Spock to overpower opponents without having to resort to violence.

Though the Captain Kirk line of "Beam me up Scotty" is an often quoted Star Trek line Kirk never actually said that line at any point during any of the episodes.

Kr'trkkla, akarshif mene!

What is "Real?"

I am crazy, head-over-heals in love with sculpting.  It's absolutely, by far, my most favorite medium to work in.  I have a love/hate relationship with drawing and painting.  There aren't many days that I feel I can accurately convey or portray all that is in my mind on paper or canvas, but clay is altogether different. When I'm working in 3-D it's almost as if I can create something more real, more believable. 

So far I'm quite happy with the way this piece is turning out.  This figurine is about as tall as an espresso cup and lightly textured.  Rather than glazing after the bisque firing I'll either use a stain or watercolor to enhance his features.

Are you familiar with the story of The Velveteen Rabbit who wanted more than anything to be real?  Maybe today is a good day to reread the story and share the message with someone in your life who's needing to feel real, to be loved.  Enjoy.
http://digital.library.upenn.edu/women/williams/rabbit/rabbit.html

Debts & Debtors

While we were hiking in Idaho a few weeks ago a butterfly landed on the trail before us.  After about 5 tries to get a picture of the butterfly with wings down (which wouldn't have been a problem except that I was holding up everyone else on the trail), I finally got a decent photo to use as a reference.  I painted this butterfly in watercolor and covered it with a glossy varnish, cut it out and painted two small pieces of wire with black acrylics after adding a drop of glue to the end of each for antennae.  The "stick" is a rolled piece of paper from a magazine.  The background will be this 19th c. encyclopedia page with the top reference being Debtors-Debts.  I plan to add some leaves painted in watercolor and varnished and maybe a bit of sand or... ?  The reason or theme behind this mixed medial collage will be Environment/Creation and our responsibility to it care for it. 

Politics and politicians irritate me.  Political polarization irritates me, especially when Christians are involved.  Liberals claim to believe in the concept of the need for maximum individual freedom.  Seriously?  How on earth does that work when a liberal government wants to take over everything?  Hello?  Big government = less freedom.  And how is it that this "freedom" just seems to be more and more about being free from anything moral?  My liberal Christian friends- freedom from morality isn't freedom at all.  Regardless of any other name you give it, sin is still sin.  And Christian Conservatives... what exactly are you conserving?  Conserve and preserve our resources as well as your morals!  Your actions affect everyone around you.  Stop wasting resources!  That's immoral!  Stop trashing the world.  If Jesus tarries I don't want my great-grandkids living in a garbage heap with few natural resources left.  Be responsible.  Some people are environmentalists because they believe our earth is suffering from global warming or climate change.  I'm not one of them.  I'm an environmentalist because I believe Christians should be good stewards.  We're all related, all interconnected.  Our survival is dependent upon this habitat- that we all share. 

Okay. *sigh*  Is anyone still there?  I hope I haven't offended and alienated everyone.  Tomorrow's blog will be full of happy, cute and cuddly things. 

Making and Breaking Bread

A few weeks ago I decided it was time to brush up on my bread-making skills.  It had been more than a decade (a reminder of my advancing age...sobering) since I had made fresh bread.  Disappointingly, I couldn't find my favorite recipe which calls for several different grains including rye, barley, and oat as well as molasses for sweetener.  If I happen upon it again I'll be sure to post the recipe and mouth-watering pictures.  The recipe I used this time was a run-of-the-mill whole wheat.  Just the same, I don't think anything smells as good as fresh bread.  It's almost worth the work to have that aroma linger for a day or two.  (Remember those scratch-n-sniff stickers?  Too bad you can't do that with a computer monitor...)

The 24th chapter of Luke is full of incredible accounts of people seeing Jesus after His resurrection, but what I find most amazing are the verses that involve food.  The two on the road to Emmaus are clueless as to the identity of their newest companion as they walk 7 miles with Him.  It isn't until He breaks bread and blesses it that they figure out it's Jesus.  Again, as He appears to the eleven where they are gathered in Jerusalem, He shows them His hands and feet and tells them to look Him over from head to toe.  His true identity still didn't register with them until He asked for food and ate it.

What is it about the food?  Was it the way He blessed it?  The way He ate?  The fact that He used food and wine to institute and commemorate Communion surely can't be overlooked. 

Food is the one thing that we all have in common and we partake of daily.  We may not like the same kind of foods but we all have to eat.  It's a bonding ritual.  An opportunity to share something.  A space, a time, an experience, a conversation.  Seems to me there may be something almost spiritual about eating with someone else...  Time for lunch. :)

Confessions of a Fanatical Trekkie

Okay, maybe not fanatical.  I don't get home and dress up like a Klingon or Bejoran every evening and I absolutely wouldn't have agreed to a Betazoid wedding. Uh uh, no way, not on your life.  But I do love Star Trek: TNG, Voyager, DS9, Enterprise, the movies, you name it.  I spent several days visiting and revisiting Star Trek Experience that once graced the Las Vegas Hilton.  I just couldn't get enough.  What's more captivating than a huge model of the Enterprise hanging above Quark's Bar where one could order such items as a "Warp Core Breach" or more surprising than bumping into a live Klingon or Borg drone?  Doesn't get much better than that!  Not to mention the Star Trek Museum replete with time-line and original costumes and props!  (Last I had heard, most of these items were sold in an auction at Christy's.)

And so, my creativity was unleashed yesterday, awash with such admiration for Gene Roddenberry's genius and one of the best Star Trek characters of all time.  Live long and prosper.

Image & Belonging

In order to keep pushing myself creatively I'm taking a sculpting class at the university this quarter.  Sculpting grants me an opportunity to try my hand and creativity in a new dimension (but I suppose that's obvious).  Our assignment was to make 3 separate busts, each with exaggerated characteristics.  I didn't really have anyone in mind when creating this guy.  He seems to be a cross between Teddy Roosevelt, Colonel Sanders and Santa Claus who's done really well on the South Beach Diet.  I have a some ideas for the next two busts but I'll keep you in suspense until tomorrow.

Devotions took me through the final two chapters in Esther and Luke 19, today.  You'll be happy to know the Jews overcame their enemies who sought to kill them (Esther 9-10) and dedicated a day of rest and festivities; Purim (http://www.jewfaq.org/holiday9.htm), which is still celebrated yearly.  Chapter 19 in the book of Luke begins with the somewhat infamous Zacchaeus.  I'm guessing his name was probably one people attached nasty adjectives to.  I had a tough time just reading the story without getting distracted and singing the song I learned about "Wee Little" Zacchaeus in Sunday School.  What I found that both of these stories had in common were image and belonging.  Esther and her people belonged to God and had His favor.  Because the king exalted Mordicai to such a high place in his kingdom, Mordicai's image and that of his people, was restored.  Jesus said of Zacchaeus, "he, too, is a son of Abraham."  Zacchaeus was detested as a tax collector but Jesus gave him belonging, as a son of Abraham (this ancestral descent was essential to a Jew), and restored his image.  Why are image and belonging important?

People will do anything to belong.  If they don't find acceptance and belonging at home they'll look elsewhere. A young girl will give herself to a guy to belong, to be loved.  Children and young adults will join gangs to belong and have an "image" that others fear.  A husband or wife might have an extramarital affair with someone who "accepts" them more than their spouse seems to. Hollywood tells us image is everything...unfortunately, the image they portray as everything betrays and perverts all that God desires our images to reflect.  

I read an amazing blog this morning- about acceptance, belonging, and image.  How we treat our children and others will affect their personal image, sometimes for life. I hope you'll take the time to read it, too. 

http://www.danoah.com/2010/09/you-just-broke-your-child.html

http://www.danoah.com/2010/10/memoirs-of-bullied-kid.html
Praying that God will speak to your heart today, letting you know He loves and accepts you, is recreating you into His image, and lets you know, without a doubt, you belong.

"Simple" Things That Are and Aren't

As mentioned in my last blog, I've spent the last few weeks working on projects for WWU's Campus Ministries.  This week is Week of Worship and the theme is "Simple 'cos Life Isn't."  (Isn't that the truth!)  I painted these panels on 4x6 wooden sheets with regular latex house paint. 

As a few of my readers may know, I suffer from a severe hearing loss.  Maybe "suffer" isn't always the word that would best describe it, but there are days the emotional stress I go through feels like suffering.  Some days I'm angry about it... other days I have pity parties and cry.  I miss out on more than 75% of what people are saying directly to me in most situations (unless I'm out of doors where it's completely quiet, or in a room where there are no other auditory distractions).  I hear some people better than others such as adults with lower voices that speak and enunciate clearly.  Understanding what children say to me, on the other hand, is just about out of the question - which is extremely unfortunate because I miss working with children.  Any music played above the "G" above middle "C" is gone.  It's as though it doesn't exist to me.  It wasn't always this way.  I played the flute in junior high.  Now I can't hear it.

Simple things that most people take for granted, such as having a conversation on the phone, aren't simple for me.  They're downright impossible. Going through a checkout line in a store (WalMart, with its overhead blowers, is the worst) is frustrating and embarrassing.  I always hope the cashier won't say anything to me because who knows if I'll respond correctly.

My devotions this morning led me part way through the book of Esther, and the 18th chapter of the book of Luke.  I noticed the running theme was "mercy."  The sinner praying in the Temple (Luke 18:13,14), the blind man on the outskirts of Jericho (Luke 18:35-43), and Esther (who experienced mercy- both from her king and through the divine deliverance of her people).  Mercy: divine tenderness (as a mother would comfort her hurting child), compassion (God becoming a man to experience our sorrows with us), reconciliation (God doing everything possible to meet us where we are, to shower us with His acceptance and grace and to restore us in every way to what He created us to be).

In spite of my physical, spiritual and emotional shortcomings, God has shown me mercy, as well.  Though I'm losing my hearing at a rapid rate, He has blessed me with the gift of sight and the love of visual arts.  I may not be able to hear the soprano in an opera or the piccolos and flutes in Beethoven's Symphony No. 5 in C minor, but God has created a visual symphony of beauty that speaks in tones and volumes I can understand.  He has granted that I may see better than I hear, and that my sight is keener than it might be if my hearing were not failing.  God's grace is sufficient and His mercy says, in quite simple terms, "I love you, Caprice."

"Everyone Should Enjoy Jesus"

The last two weeks the majority of my time and attention have been devoted to several projects I've been working on for WWU's Campus Ministries.  Last year, as the Prayer Ministry Coordinator, I enjoyed many opportunities to brainstorm and implement creative plans and events to encourage relationships between students and God through prayer (and a few artistic projects on the side).  This summer the campus chaplain asked if I might have any illuminating ideas to "Bring Jesus to Life" during a certain worship service.  After spending a few weeks thinking, praying, and talking some possibilities over with my creative son, we came up with the thought of painting a piece of Plexiglas to look like Jesus.  I devoted a bit of time to research online and talked with a patient employee from Home Depot's paint department and a paint store owner in town, among others, to learn what kind of paint to use on Plexiglas.  (Anything oil-based will melt it!)  I began by drawing a life-size picture of Jesus on a 4x6 sheet of paper with thick lines.  After sanding one side of the Plexiglas to encourage the paint to adhere, I put it down over the drawing of Jesus and painted around the lines using thick black acrylic paint.  The Plexiglas will be mounted in a wooden frame and illuminated from behind.

At one point, as many painters experience, my right shoulder was feeling as though it were on fire and my attitude wasn't quite as joyful as one would hope during such a project.  At the time I was also text/chatting with a friend and told her this.  She replied, "That's not good.  Everyone should enjoy Jesus" in a teasing kind of manner.  You know, once she said that I realized how frankly sucky my thought process had been and immediately turned my attitude into one of praise and worship.

This morning during my devotions in Zechariah I was reminded of the WHY we should do the things we do, whether it be work, art, music, blogging, eating or drinking.  What is the WHY I do things?  Verses 6-8 of chapter 7 say this in The Message Bible; 

"God-of-the-Angel-Armies gave me this Message for them, for all the people and for the priests: "When you held days of fasting every fifth and seventh month all these seventy years, were you doing it for Me? And when you held feasts, was that for Me? Hardly. You're interested in religion, I'm interested in people."

God is interested in people. In relationship. Relationship with you and me.  He wants us to enjoy Him and to encourage others to know Him that they may also enjoy Him. That's the WHY.  He's the WHY. I hope you make time to enjoy Jesus today. :)

Dry Spell

The last two weeks have been full of activity yet almost void of personal creativity.  I've had the most difficult time getting back into creating mode.  Visits from friends and family as well as a few trips to the mountains have kept me occupied.  I did try to sketch one evening last week and it was taking too much forced effort and I was antsy.  (I'm about to go back to that sketch this evening...) 

We spent a few days in Joseph, Oregon, this week.  In Joseph one can find a wonderful gallery, "Kelly's Gallery on Main," with incredibly lovely artwork that makes me drool with artist envy.  By *truly* the grace of God (and Kelly) much of my pottery is for sale there.  The above plate is one such piece.

I have several projects to keep me creating the next few weeks, and some exciting new ideas for pottery for Kelly's. Wish me luck and I'll post pictures as the projects come to fruition.  In the mean time- I'm getting back to my sketching journal.

Dinner Invitation

 

How about a creative dinner invitation? Please take into consideration this may not be the best plan for inviting just anyone (like your pastor) to dinner, but if you have a friend with a warped sense of humor like I have- it might be fun? 

Divinely Created

Yesterday, we took a drive up and over (and around and over and down and....) the Blue Mountains closest to town.  I don't think we drove more than 70 miles yet we saw everything from farmland to rolling hills to mountain meadows and deep forest.  I am ever in awe of creation- it inspires me- to paint, to photograph, to draw, to somehow try to capture the alluring beauty I find there.  From the textures of rock, pine, and lush fern against a soft sky, to the analogous greens of conifers, crimson paintbrush and deep blues as the heavens open in showers, it's all so wondrous, this creation.  The only sounds that may be heard are of a small brook, of the wind blowing through the tree tops, or it may just be quiet. So quiet, in fact, that it's healing.  It's no wonder I have such a difficult time hearing God when I'm away from nature.  I live in a framed box with insufficient views, next to a paved path where noisy vehicles come and go from their own framed boxes.  It's the days like yesterday that I realize how much I miss nature when I'm away for long.  Nothing I can manufacture will ever come close to the gifts God created for us to enjoy.

A few photos from our drive, above.  It was one of those days I just had to exclaim, "YAY GOD!"

Creatively Consuming Politics

I had every intention of voting, really.  I had placed my ballot next to the computer to look up each candidate and research their beliefs and political outlooks. I think voting is important but I also believe being educated about the person you're voting for is absolutely necessary, otherwise you're making an uneducated guess and possibly voting someone into a position of power to make choices you may not agree with.  (I know, you're wondering where on earth I'm going with this political spiel.)  As I was clearing the table of a few stray bills and notes I came across the voting envelopes.  One was a bright pink, as you may recall- especially if you weren't quite as negligent as I- in getting your ballot in on time.  That's when it occurred to me, what better to do with an unused voting ballot and envelope than to recycle and make lovely handmade paper?!  I gathered some of the lavender pieces I had clipped yesterday morning for a fragrant and aesthetic addition.

To make your own hand-made paper you'll need the following:

Blender

Unused voters ballot and envelope (or any other colorful paper scraps)

1/4 of a soft paper towel

Water

Old frame

Old pantyhose to stretch over frame

Large basin

Lavender or other flower or herb of your choice

A spoon or two of liquid starch (if you plan to write on your paper, the starch will keep the ink from running)

Tear up paper and paper towel to fill blender 1/2 full.  Fill blender with water about 3/4 full.  Add pieces of flower/herbs and starch.  Blend until completely pulpy.  Stir in (don't blend) several small blooms and leaves.  Pour this mixture over the pantyhose-covered frame that you've placed at the bottom of the large basin.  Cover evenly.  Gently press excess water from paper and set aside to dry.  After a few hours cover the paper (still over the frame) with a dry paper towel and turn over onto a flat surface.  It's almost done- just allow it time to dry.

After only three days of scraping and painting in the sun and heat, (including yesterday with its glorious temperature of 101 degrees), teetering on a ladder and feeling a bit like Michelangelo must have at times, the painting of the pergola is complete!  Have you ever started a project that you thought surely you would have finished by the end of the day?  This was one of those projects.  I had NO IDEA how long it would take me or what kind of physical condition I would be in after!  Ah well, it's done and now all that is left to do in this area is to hang the swing, which has also been painted to match the pergola and awaits a chain to be fastened and suspended in it's new spot at the edge of the pergola and patio.  Hooray!!  

And now, off to work on my next creative project....

Creative Landscaping 2

Almost finished with the back yard circle.  The bucket, behind the potted tree on the right, sits where we will plant a tree - possibly a maple. (?)  My husband has a good eye for landscaping and placement to make things aesthetically pleasing.  He deserves much of the credit here.  I spent most of yesterday painting about 1/2 of our pergola which sits above the patio off the back door.  I've got to get back out and take advantage of the partial shade it's in this morning and get it done - today.  I'll share photos of the *completed* projects tomorrow!

Creative Landscaping

I did get back to the pottery studio to finish the teapot lid but before doing so we made a trip to what I'll call the brick dump.  Yesterday afternoon we put down the brick for a patio and created a path.  The previous owners had an above ground pool in this area of the back yard. Seemed to us like a good space to hardscape, add a fire pit, plant a tree and some grasses.  Tomorrow we'll get this project finished and I'll post a photo of our new fabulous back yard retreat.  I'm already thinking I'd like to try to fire some pottery in this fire pit....

Today- enjoying a day of rest!

Blogging is to Artwork is to Prostitution

I know, you're wondering where on earth that title came from...  This summer my (extremely encouraging, patient, devoted, and all around wonderful) husband and I set out to sell my artwork at several shows and events.  We put much time, energy, and money into preparing for these events, not to mention the disaster the house stayed in for the months prior to them.  Once those days arrived we'd pack the truck to the gills and head out.  Setting up took a few hours.  We'd sit out in the heat, talk to the people who came by and hoped things would sell.  I started realizing, as we were talking to potential customers, that selling artwork is a lot like prostituting oneself.  In creating things we are expressing a part of who we are- whether it's arts and crafts, music, writing, (blogging), etc., and we hope what we express will be accepted and bought by the public. It's really like trying to sell yourself, and if the public doesn't like what you're selling- the rejection is personal.

That being said, I realize I ended yesterday's blog with plans to begin on a similar painting to that I had posted but didn't have the time to do so.  After helping a friend in the pottery room I decided I'd unleash my creativity there.  When I first started working on this piece I wasn't sure what it was going to be.  A flower pot? A bowl?  A teapot! Of course! 

Well, the clay is still damp and I didn't have time to make a lid so I'm off to do that now.  Happy creating!

From the Studio - Day 3

While having fabulous coffee and delectable treats in a patisserie last week, my husband and I surveyed the artwork displayed. I certainly can't say I liked all of it, but the style is growing on me.  I decided I would make an attempt at creating something similar.  Surprisingly, I'm not unhappy with the results considering this was my first try.  

I really have a tough time drawing or painting new things because I fear the results won't be perfect.  I know that's silly because most people can't always expect to do something flawlessly the first time they try it, but how do I get past that feeling of being a failure if, frankly, my artwork looks like crap?  I've been an artist for years.  I used to teach art.  Surely my skill level should be at a point now that I can pull off perfection without much effort.  Then again, maybe not.  Anyway, I'm heading back to the studio.  I think this painting needs to be part of a set.  Wish me luck.  Hopefully, the way this first painting turned out wasn't just beginners luck.  ;)

Something Creative - Day 2

The first thing that comes to mind as I strive to keep up this creative discipline thing (even if it kills me) is an email that circulated not long ago about a woman who seeks out a personal trainer.  (Remember that one?)  Her first journal entry is something like, "My first day at the gym and I know I'm going to love this!  I met Andy, my personal trainer, and he's so hot!  It's going to be fun seeing him every day!  He had me do such and such and man I feel great!" and so on.  And you know by the 5th day this woman is so sore it hurts to roll over in bed much less walk or lift her arms to feed herself, and she's cussing Andy and muttering every nasty name she has locked away in the BAD WORDS: DO NOT USE recesses of her mind.
Well, I'm not there...yet.  It is only day 2, after all.  

After the first picture and posting I decided to draw the same corner in our back yard from a different angle.  (I promise I will get more creative than this in the future.)  We just planted this very delicate, petite Japanese Maple- that reminds me more of Charlie brown's fragile Christmas tree that may lose all its leaves if you blow on it too hard than anything that will grow up to produce real shade.  But it's cute and didn't seem to mind being my model for this sketch. 

I think I feel a creative spark! Heading to the studio before it goes away............

Discipline through Sketch/Journaling (?)

I wish I could say I'm disciplined enough to do some kind of artwork every day. I can tell you I wake at night and think of new things to create, or even as I drift to sleep, through the cloudy haze of my thoughts, I seem to come up with incredible ideas, things that I promise would really knock your socks off if ever they were realized on canvas... but when I come to my desk to paint my mind often seems devoid of those precious morsels of creativity. So... I've decided I'm going to discipline myself to do something, anything, to sharpen my skills.

A few days ago I sat just off my back patio and sketched a small portion of the backyard and fence. Just because. Then I started thinking (again, all of those wonderful ideas that don't often see fruition) I would love to have a sketching journal. Hey! Wonderful idea! Brilliant even! Could be just the daily regimen I'm looking for, right? I mean, I admire those people who do such things. However, my travels are sometimes few and far between. What do I do in the mean time? Sketch my backyard from every angle? The living room, the kitchen? *yawn* My neighborhood? How do other people do it? Should I only use ink? How am I going to feel about "journaling" if I'm the only one that ever sees the work? Does it matter? (Do I WANT other people to see the journal?)

Time will tell... and I'll get back to you on that.